One thing my oncologist kept repeating to me from the onset was “mind over Body” and to remain positive. I took his advice seriously, even though I did not quite understand what it meant to be positive in my situation.  The shock of the news had immediately brought me down. Lost, scarred, and curled up in a corner of a dark room in my mind. Total desperation, hopelessness, and anger! Oh, total and absolute anger at the doctor whom had missed my cancer.  How could he condemn me to this? Why me? The person who was known as the healthiest one among my friends, family, and coworkers, why should my children pay for this?, who will help them with their homework, who will tell them it’s Ok when they get a boo-boo, who will be there when they come home to tell their day’s stories to. Who will be at the dinner table every night giving them advice? Weakness piled up on weakness, to the point where I could see everyone around me was becoming weak.  I was dragging everyone around me down with me into the abyss. Suddenly a message, of all things a nightmare! I came to see the nightmare as a message or a miracle later on. Two or three weeks after I was diagnosed, I had this nightmare. It was dark all around in the middle of the woods. I was in a scene of a bloody war. Straw huts were being set on fire by ugly men whom looked like the mob the Romans were fighting in the opening scene of the Gladiator.  I could see their faces only when they past rapidly in front of the fires they had set to the huts.  Suddenly, I found myself being chased by four of them and I began to run. For reasons, which became clear to me later, I finally decided to stop and defend myself. I stood in front of one of the huts that was still intact and waited until they caught up to me and surrounded me. For some reason I knew who their ring leader was, I approached his face, bit his left cheek off his face and spit it on the ground. I saw an incredible look of surprise and fear on the faces of the other three men. I approach one of them and broke his neck with all the strength I could muster and I told the other two that I can continue. Two weeks Later, I was told by my oncologist, that in addition to the cancer in the prostate, they have found three potential spots in my bones where the cancer may have metastasized. I took this dream as a strong message that if I stand my ground and fight, I could triumph.  Two nights after the first nightmare, I again found myself in a dream where I was chasing something in an old, but beautiful city, with architecture similar to old European stone buildings. I found myself entering a home with no furniture.  The walls were painted white with sunlight coming through the drawn blinds. I knew whatever I was chasing had led me to that home.  The moment I entered the home, I had a strong feeling that something terrible had taken place there, but I could not find any trace or evidence of it.  I searched everywhere, but could not find anything. Perhaps another message,  that even though I am going through a terrible ordeal, I will eventually be clean and free of this disease, left with only a memory of it.  A message of hope, perhaps!